Mine
by straykat1087
Summary: things take a dark turn one night as Elsie heads back from Ripon
1. Chapter 1

Charles puttered about his pantry, polishing the silver for tomorrows dinner service (for the fifth time), waiting for Elsie to return. She had gone to Ripon after lunch to run some errands, she had been very vague about it all. He wasn't really concerned about why she went out, he just wanted her back. Soon. It was getting late, and he had a surprise planned for when she returned and the rest of the staff went up to bed. He looked up at the clock on the wall, it was almost ten o'clock!

She had to be back by now. Charles went to check her sitting room. She wasn't there, and her coat was still gone. Now Charles was quite nervous, he checked the servants hall, and realized for the first time that everyone had gone up to bed. Charles knew Elsie hadn't gone to bed, he had told her after lunch that he had a surprise for her tonight. He went back to his pantry and sat at his desk, he kept telling himself she was fine, she would be back any second. But he had a very bad feeling, she was never out this late, not without him. He stood up, grabbed his coat, and set out for her. He would loved Elsie more than he could say and if anything happened to her…he didn't even know what he would do. He had to find her.

It was very late, it had all taken Elsie much longer than she had planned, picking up the things she'd need to make a new dress, and the sewing supplies Anna had asked for. And she had gotten a present for charles, two actually, a novel for Christmas, which was no more than a month away. And she knew he had surprise planned for tonight, so she picked up some sweets for them to share.

She made her way through the village, towards the road leading to the house, hoping he wasn't too worried, it must be after nine. As she walked she wondered what his surprise might be, something extremely romantic knowing him. Most people would never believe the stiff collared butler of Downton Abbey was such a helpless romantic, but she knew her man, knew how tender his touch was, how passionate his kiss, how strong his arms…but she was drawn out of her thoughts when she heard something behind her. Footsteps.

She dared not look behind her, she just quickened her pace. And for a while the footsteps stopped, then she heard rustling in the trees around her, and then she tripped on something, a second later a hand was over her mouth, and she was being slammed against a tree. She tried to see who it was that had her pinned to the tree, but he was behind her, and she couldn't turn her head. All she could tell was that he was a shorter man, and rather fat. She tried to bite the hand over mouth, but all that did was get her head slammed against the tree. She tried to get away but he was too large, she began to panic when she realized she was trapped, and all she could think to do was scream, even though she knew no one would hear, because his hand was covering her mouth, and there was no one around to hear her anyways. But she screamed anyways, and began to cry, as she became aware of where his other hand had strayed.

He had ripped open her dress, and was making quick work of her corset. She thought she was going to be sick when she felt his erection pressing against her bottom. she felt the chill of the winter air against her chest as he finished with her corset. She screamed louder and tried to bite him again as she felt him groping her, ripping her chemise, and as he pulled hard at her nipples, he pressed himself closer, and spoke in her ear,

"if you keep trying to bite me, you bitch, I will kill you, now if you know whats good for you, you'll stop struggling and maybe you'll get to see that butler of yours again"

At the thought of charles she cried even harder, though she tried to quiet her sobs. She struggled less. she knew it was useless, and all she wanted was for it to be over with, so she could go home, to charles, to his arms. she kept telling herself everything would be alright as soon as she got to charles. She realized he had stopped groping her, and she very nearly threw up, when she realized her skirts where hiked up, and the bastard behind her was undoing his pants.

Then he took his hand off her mouth, and moved away, and she took the opportunity to try to run but only made it about 3 feet from the tree, as she stumbled and then she finaly did throw up, as everything started to spin and she thought she would pass out as she knelt on the ground gagging and trying to catch her breath. Everything around her faded out, and all she could think of was trying not to pass out.

It was several minutes before she realized her attacker had never come back after her, and then she realized someone was kneeling on the ground behind her, just a little to her left, and that it was charles. One of his hands was holding hers, and the other was rubbing small circles on her back.

"elsie, it's alright…my love, it's alright…you're safe now elsie, you're safe" his voice was calming, and as he spoke her breathing steadied. Everything else was coming back into focus. She turned to look at him. He was covered in blood, it spattered across his face, and could be seen on his collar as well. But he didn't look injured, and that was a relief to elsie. Charles cupped her face in his hands and wiped the still falling tears from her cheeks, and elsie noticed the tears forming in his eyes.

"hold me" her voice was barely a whisper, she had screamed so much her voice was gone. Charles pulled her into his arms, and elsie immediately felt safe, secure, like nothing and no one could hurt her, as long as she was in the arms of this man. Elsie looked over Charles' shoulder and for the first time got a look at her attacker, it was Mr. Tufton. He was covered in blood and one side of his face was pretty badly busted up, he also looked to be unconscious, maybe dead, but Elsie couldn't stand to look at him any longer, so she buried her face in charles' coat.

Elsie soon became aware of several things. First, that Charles had beaten Mr. tufton within an inch of his life, something Elsie never would have thought him capable of, because tufton had attacked her. Second, that she was freezing cold and the front of her dress was torn open and her corset was gone, and her breasts where fully exposed. And lastly she realized Charles was sobbing into her hair.

"shhhh…my love, it's alright…I'm alright." her voice was still rather hoarse, as she reached up to stroke the back of his neck.

"but I am very cold, can we please go home now?" she was shivering in his arms, he held tighter for a moment then released her and helped her stand.

"here, you must be freezing out here," he took his coat off and put it on her sholders, she pulled it tight around her, as she looked to the unconscious body of mr. tufton. Charles followed her gaze, hatred and rage building in him again.

"we'll just leave him here, I'll call the police when we get back to the house, and they can come and get him, with any luck he'll be dead before they find him." Charles said as he bent to collect elsie's scattered belongings. The anger in his voice was strangely comforting to Elsie. With her shopping, handbag, and corset in one hand, charles wrapped his other arm around elsie, and they started toward the house.  
_

As they walked to the house they didn't speak. They didn't need to, not yet. Charles held Elsie close as they walked. He felt like his heart had been ripped in two. And he hoped with every bit of his soul that Tufton, that miserable bastard, died before the police found him. He had never been so angry in his life, or so afraid, as he had been when he had been looking for elsie, had heard what sounded like muffled screaming, and had found her pinned against a large tree, that bastard touching her. That thought of what would have happened if he had not found them when he did, it was something he couldn't even bare to imagine. It wasn't just the thought of her being violated like that, she could have been killed, or seriously hurt, the thought alone was almost more than he could bare.

At last they reached the house and Elsie was so grateful to be out of the cold, she slipped of Charles's coat, and her own, then remembered to state of her dress, so she put Charles's coat back on, as charles entered his pantry,

"Elsie, I'm gonna phone the police, then I'll make us some tea, do you want to sit down and rest-"

"no my love, you phone the police, I'm going to go up to my room and change, put all the shopping in my sitting room and then lock up down here, I'll be waiting in your room when you come up." she was beginning to cry again, and as she turned to leave charles gently grabbed her hand.

"I love you. I love you so much, I don't know if I'll ever be able to put it into words." tears were appearing in his eyes now, as again he though of what might of happened to her.

"I'll be waiting for you when you come up." and with that she left and went up to change.


	2. Chapter 2

As Elsie was changing out of her dress and into her nightgown, she was determined not to look in the mirror. She didn't want to see what she looked like. She knew she must look awful, but as she was turning to leave, she somehow forgot not to look in the mirror. She had a dark bruise appearing across the left side of her face, were she had been smashed against the tree. Her eyes were still red from crying, and just when she thought she couldn't cry anymore, new began to form as she took her dressing gown off, and then her nightgown.

She hadn't wanted to see. But now that she had seen some of the damage that had been done to her she needed to see all of it. Her tears were flowing freely as she looked herself over. Bruises mostly, some scratches were jagged fingernails had clawed at her breast. Her breasts where bruised around her nipples. She had a very bad bruise forming on her hip, and she was sure her bottom was bruised as well.

She sat back down on her bed. She needed to clear her head before she went to Charles…Charles; she knew he must be feeling terrible (Not because he might have killed a man, if anything that might have been the highlight of his evening). And she felt terrible, any woman would after what Elsie had been through, but Elsie wasn't any woman. It wasn't the feeling of being violated, she had had enough of that when she was young, all tufton had managed to do in the end was grope her and rip her dress. Worse had been done to her. No the horrible feeling in her heart wasn't from that. it was a little from the knowledge that she had been helpless, that if Charles hadn't found her, Tufton would have had his way with her, and he might of killed her, but even that was only part of it. The main cause for the awful feeling, like a fist clenched tight around her heart, was fear. She had been more afraid tonight than ever before in her life, afraid she would never see her Charles again, afraid of so many things, all things involving Charles. What if he thought she was damaged now? What if he blamed her? What if he didn't believe her when she told him what happened? These were all thoughts that had crossed her mind as she had been pressed between Tufton and the tree.

Charles had been her rock as well tonight. The thought of him and his love was what kept her fighting, what kept her going now. And with that thought she dried her eyes and rose from the bed, put her dressing gown on, though decided against her nightgown, and she made her way to his room. When she entered he wasn't there yet, so she slipped her dressing gown off, left it on the floor, and climbed into his bed and under the covers to wait for him.

Charles phoned the police, informed them that he had come across a friend of his being assaulted, and had forcibly pulled her attacker off her, that the attacker was a man he knew as a Mr. Tufton, and the man was, last he knew, lying in the road on the way up to downton abbey, he had been knocked out in the struggle, and they had left him there. The police said they would send an officer to apprehend the man and that the following day someone would be along to get their statements.

Charles then locked up, and left Elsie's shopping in her sitting room. He then made his way to the kitchen for tea. He knew she was alright, mostly, that she was going to be just fine. Truth be told, he was the one who needed comforting. He knew that what happened wasn't his fault, but he still kept thinking of all the things he could have done differently so it wouldn't have happened. He tried hard to banish all the dark thoughts from his mind, focusing all his energy on what Elsie needed.

He put the kettle on, and remembered she hadn't had any dinner tonight, so he made her a plate of sandwiches, and cut her a sizable slice of the leftover chocolate cake. He put the sandwiches and cake on a tray, along the tea, and was about to start up stairs when he remembered what he had initially wanted to give to her tonight, he went back to his pantry and retrieved the small red box from his desk drawer. He figured it might not be the evening he had imagined for them, but they could still make a go of it, if Elsie wanted to. He figured she was probably handling tonight's events better than he was, but he knew she was shaken, he knew she needed something, he just wasn't sure what. He placed his gift for her on the tray and started up towards his room.

Charles was silent as he made his way down the men's corridor to his bedroom. He wondered briefly if he should knock, then decided against it and open the door and quietly slipped inside, glanced at her in the bed then set the tray down and went about preparing her tea.

"I made you some sandwiches, and there's some cake here as well, I didn't know if you felt up to eating anything, but I know you didn't have dinner, and well…I just thought you might be hungry."

"You mean you saw me lose most of the contents of my stomach in a bush not quite an hour ago." Charles turned towards Elsie, and noticed for the first time that she was naked.

"Elsie what on Earth…"

"Charles, what did the police say?"

"Elsie, why… why are…what… Elsie…" Charles stammered, fumbling to find words. Partially because he was, as always, in awe of her body and her beauty. He also had never expected to her to have any desire for something sexual tonight, not after what she had been through tonight. He had expected just the opposite actually.

"Charles, my love, I know you don't understand how I'm feeling right now, I'm not entirely sure I do. But we'll talk and I'll try to explain, but I am rather hungry, so hand me that tray, get undressed, come hold me, and what did the police say?" Charles placed the tray on Elsie's lap. She was right, he had no idea how she was feeling, and he was beginning to get the feeling that there was something he didn't know, but she was his whole world, and he would do whatever she asked of him, especially tonight.

"When I called the officer on the phone said he would send someone to apprehend…that man, and then an officer will be along tomorrow to get statements from you and I." Charles had undressed down to just his shorts, and was about to put his pajamas on.

"Charles, why don't you just get in the bed, come keep me warm."

Charles looked at Elsie, as she moved the tray to the nightstand, and pulled the covers back for him to lay next to her. He was uneasy for some reason. But still he climbed in next to her, and she snuggled close to him, resting in the crook of his arm, her legs tangling with his, and her head on his shoulder. He wrapped both his arms around her, and for a few minutes, they just lay there, as new tears began forming in both their eyes as Charles ghosted his fingers over the scrapes and bruises forming on her body and Elsie took notice of the dark bruises on his hands. Charles waited for her to speak; he knew she would talk when she was ready.

Elsie felt so safe in his arms. His skin against hers, her fingers tracing patterns across his broad chest, she felt loved. It gave her strength, and she needed all the strength she could get right now, because she needed to tell him things she had never been able to speak of before. She wondered how to tell him…

"Charles…I was so scared tonight. He told me if I kept fightin' he'd kill me, and all I could think about was you, and I stopped fightin' because all I wanted was for it be over…I've never been so terrified" she cried into his shoulder, unable to continue.

"I have never been so angry, felt so much hatred towards a man as I have tonight. What he did to you… what he would have done if I hadn't found you when I did…I can't imagine how violated you must feel."

"But I don't… not really; he made me feel powerless and weak. He made me think I might never see you again. But I don't really feel violated; I mean I do, a little. But all he really did was grope me and rip my dress. I've had worse done to me. And I have felt just as powerless and weak before. I got through it fine then…. The difference now is you. I was scared, not of being hurt, but of never seeing you again. And if I did make it back to you that you would think differently of me, think me weak…broken… And I was ashamed that you saw me like that… that you had to rescue me…."

Charles had pulled her much closer to him as she talked, and as she spoke, several things clicked in his head. He suddenly understood why they were snuggled in his bed, why she was naked and he was just in his shorts…she wanted to know he could still want her in that way, even after he knew that she had been- then the second thing clicked. And it sent a terrible feeling to his chest.

"Do you mean to tell me that…that you've been…raped before?" He said the last two words in a voice that was barely even a whisper. Elsie didn't say a word, just cried even harder, and buried her face in his shoulder. she was clinging to him for dear life.

"Shhhh…shhhh…You don't have to tell me about that tonight. Elsie Hughes, I love you. I will always love you. And I don't think you weak or broken or anything like that. In fact, I think you are one of the strongest people I've ever known. But no one can be strong all the time." He cupped her face in his hands, looking her in the eyes.

"Elsie Hughes, any strength I have I get from you, any joy in my life is from you, and tonight all my fears were from the thought of losing you, when I set out looking for you there was a part of me that thought I would never find you, or you'd be dead when I did… I was terrified; I thought I would lose everything I had, because in the end all I have is you."

She knew that he loved her to bits, but the depth of emotion she saw in his eyes and heard in his words, it was enough to make her forget every terrible thing that had ever happened to her, that bad things even existed. That anything in the world existed but the two of them. She kissed him, trying to convey every word she didn't have ability to say. They kissed as passionately as they ever had, then Charles pulled away, a determined look in his eyes.

"Elsie remember I told you I had a surprise for you tonight?"

"I do, but I imagine whatever romantic evening you had planned is quite ruined now"

"I had more planned than flowers, wine, and passionate lovemaking; I have something I want to give you, something to ask."  
"…what?" Elsie was truly confused now, Charles rarely gave her gifts.

"Elsie, My Heart, reach over and get it. It's on the dinner tray." and so she did, and once she had the small red box in her hand, Charles pulled her back into his arms.

"Open it Elsie" she turned to him in complete shock as she saw what was inside. A rose gold ring, one large round diamond in the center, with smaller square shaped amethyst stones on each side

"Elsie, I want you to be my wife, and I want to be your husband." she was stunned, they had never discussed marriage before, and she had always thought he wanted to wait till they retired to marry.

"Charles…I don't know…I just don't know"


	3. Chapter 3

Elsie looked down at the ring, it was beautiful and like nothing she'd ever seen before. She looked up at Charles, and her heart fell at bit, as the look on his face was one of clear disapointment and confusion, he had expected her to say yes without a moments hesitation.

"Charles…I…I'm a bit overwhelmed, we've never talked about marriage before…"

"Elsie, do you not want to be married?"

"It's not that I don't want to be married, it's that I always thought we'd marry once we retired, and I'm fairly certain that neither of us is ready to retire. So are you telling me that you're ready to tell everyone about us, that you think we can stay at Downton and be married? Because I feel that even if we married and stayed on at Downton, many things would change…are you saying that's what you want?" Elsie was one the verge of tears once more, and she needed to know what charles was asking of her. To her, if they married it would mean making their relationship public, and she wasn't sure either of them was ready for that.

"Would we have to tell people Elsie? Couldn't we just elope, then tell people when we're ready? And then if we were caught together or found out, this way there would be nothing improper about it. It would be much less scandalous that way-"

"Is that what this is about, you're afraid we'll be caught!" Elsie jumped out of the bed, and put her dressing gown on. She was angry now, with tears falling down her face. "Charles Carson, If I ever marry you, it will not be in secret. It would be no different that what we are now, and I don't mind what we are now, I don't mind being your lover, but if I'm to be your wife, then I want it be because we love each other and we don't want to hide our love, not because you're afraid of scandal!" she made to leave the room, but Charles grabbed her hand.

"Elsie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, please listen to me, please. I only said that because I thought you were telling me you didn't want to marry me, that you didn't want things to change! Elsie I love you more than I could ever tell you, you are the center of my world, I would marry you tomorrow if I could, and if it meant leaving Downton, or retiring, or having everyone we know think differently of me, or having to cut off my own leg, I would still do it. As long as I get to hold you in my arms every night, as long as I get to call you my wife. Elsie, when you're sick, I want to have the right to see you, to take care of you, I want to have a place in your life, one nobody can question or take away. And I want you to have the same in mine." He kissed her hand, and pulled her back to the bed to sit beside him.

"So all you want is to be married, and if we have to leave or retire or what ever may happen, then you'll except that, you'd rather be married than anything else?"

"Yes, Elsie, you are my world, and all I want is to be with you forever."

Elsie was truly overwhelmed now, and she wasn't sure what she wanted. A few moments of silence passed, then the clock on the wall chimed, it was one o'clock in the morning, and Elsie realized just how tired she was.

"Charles, I love you. More than anything. But I need to think about this. I want to marry you, I do, but I don't know if I'm ready yet. And it's late and I'm tired, and it's been such an…emotional night, I think tonight, I'll sleep in my own bed, and I'll think about it." she kissed him and she tried pour all her love into the kiss, tried to tell him just how much he meant to her, and that she wasn't really saying no, just asking for some time.

Before she left Charles handed her the red box with the ring in it.

"You keep this, and take all the time you need, and when you're ready, wear it." they kissed one last time, and she left, and headed to her own room.

Her heart heavy and her body weary from the emotional roller coaster she'd been through in the past 3 hours, and knowing she'd have to awake again in a few hours, ready to tackle another day, she climbed into her bed. She tried not to think about the encounter with Mr. Tufton, or the fact that tomorrow she'd have to relive it for the police, and probably others as well, as someone was bound to question why the police were asking questions of her and Charles. She tried to push all that out of her mind. And instead think about Charles, and if she was ready to marry him. As she mulled it all over in her mind, what changes it would bring, then what he had said, about wanting them to have an official and undeniable place in each others lives, she began to realize just how much she really did want to marry him. But she still wasn't sure she was ready to turn both their lives upside down, and certainly not while the whole situation with Mr. Tufton loomed over her head.

On the other side of the servants corridor, Charles lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. When he thought about everything that had happened tonight, he couldn't really make sense of it all. What had happened to Elsie tonight had been horrible, and he realized she was trying as hard as she could to avoid thinking about it, and so he had tried to take her mind off it , by giving her the ring and asking her to marry him, like he had planned to do all along, but he had expected her reaction. An wave of guilt washed over him as he realized that by throwing that at her tonight he had probably only made things much worse for her, she was tired, and emotionaly distraught and all he had done was give her more to try to handle. But tonight had made him realize just how much he needed her, because tonight he could have lost her. And as he thought of all that had been said tonight between them, and all that had happened, he kept thinking about what hadn't been said, what elsie had kept bottled up…and what he had told her she didn't need to say. And he felt angry and powerless when thought of what she had tried to tell him but couldn't, when she tried to tell him about the time she had been attacked like that before. Somewhere in his mind he realized she had probably bottled that up too. His Elsie was good at pushing bad things away, locking it all up, where she wouldn't have to deal with it. Someday, it would become too much for her, and it would all come spilling out, and Charles vowed he would be there for her when that day came, he would be there to catch her, to hold her, to love her.


End file.
